Some of you, or maybe none of you, wonder why the tagline is “the greatest mother-f’er here” for this site. Well, it came from a combination of things. First off, it was inspired by Lewis Black’s Black on Broadway. I laughed at the particular bit he was doing, and it became a commonplace phrase at Stately Doro Manor. I would launch an opinion of something, Dana would question what the hell I was thinking, and my response would usually incorporate the phrase “why do I know this? Because I’m the greatest mother-f’er here!” We would discuss one thing or another, and it would often come up as the last point of that conversation. It would be comparable to the dessert item or digestif served after a meal. The point after touchdown. It was making the point, hammering it home, and signifying that it was okay to move on to the next topic.

“Honey, you know what the problem is with the perfume you women wear?”

“No, John, please enlighten me.” (obviously dreading another dented can diatribe I am famous for)

“The scents may be pleasing, but they’re not particularily effective as what they ought to be, and that’s bait.”

“Wait, you want me to smell like fishing tackle and worms?”

“No! Well, if your intended mate was a bass or muskie, that’s what you want to go with. But since it isn’t, you girls might want to think about what you’re representing.”

“I’m not sure I like where you’re going with this, John.”

“When was the last time you saw me or any other guy smelling a flower? It just doesn’t happen. Go to Sam’s Club on Saturday mid morning and watch the response of the men when they get near the women handing out samples of bacon, sausage, pizza, and other savoru delights. Moth’s to a flame I tell you!”

“You think women should wear perfume that smells like sausage?”

“Absolutely. All the primary staples. Bacon, pizza, grilled meats. Hell, you could make a scent each of Weber and Kingsford and you’d get guys beating down your door.”

“…”

“You know why I know this? I’m the greatest mother-f’er here.”

“You sure are, honey. You going to get the kid’s room painted today?”

That’s usually how it goes. I’m sure she’s learned to tune me out until that sentence happens and she knows it’s safe to move on, but still, it’s a great proclamation to make for yourself. Anyway, that’s how that got started and what it means. The point I wanted to make was I caught another Lewis Black bit and I thought I would share it with you.

I love Wisconsin. I love coming here. I perform here a lot, because I’ve discovered that you people apparently have some sort of federal grant for drinking. It’s – you’re insane! You pay less for liquor than anybody I know anywhere in the country. Nobody pays less for liquor than you! What’d you, wh- ho- HOW? I don’t know if you’re using that farm subsidy money, or if you’re just hijacking liquor trucks, but this fuckin’ insane. (from the audience) “It’s volume, Lewis!” Is it volume? It’s unbe-fuckin’-lievable. It’s staggering! I come here ’cause basically if I spend four days here drinking, even with the plane ticket it’s cheaper than drinkin’ in New York! How do you know when it’s New Year’s? That’s the big mystery to me! What’s the difference? I’ve been in bars here, and it’s like New Year’s every fuck night! Oh, New Year’s, that’s when w-w-we drink with hats on. Now I’ve been drunker here than anyplace else I’ve been in my life. And remember this: you are not, you are not alcoholics. You, and my hat is off, are professionals.

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