Not content with screwing up the first 3 movies of one of the most beloved fan following ever, George Lucas is now going to ruin the Star Wars saga with television. Mark Hamilton, guitarist for never-heard-of-outside-from-the-pub-and-his-mom band Ash, has been a contributor to some of the LucasArts Star Wars video games (which not all have blown chunks). Quoting him:
“With Rick McCallum saying they are going to be making over 100 hours of a new Star Wars TV show, that’s good,” he told BBC News.
“I hope it will work - who knows, they could mess it up, but we have our fingers crossed that it is going to be good.
“I went to a big Star Wars convention last year in Indianapolis, where there was probably between 40-50,000 people, and there was a question and answer session with George Lucas and they announced the TV show.”
Hamilton continued while reporters walked away by saying “Oh yeah, it’s going to be a friggin’ disaster. I mean, when I said ‘they could mess it up’ that means ‘they’ll make baby Jeebus cry by shear magnitude of the suck.’ I have no doubt in my mind that it will be the suckiest suck that ever sucked.”
The series will take part in the years between Episode III, Revenge of the Sith and Episode IV, A New Hope.
None of the films’ actors, from Ewan McGregor to Carrie Fisher, will be taking part. But Anthony Daniels, who played C3P0 will appear.
Rick McCallum added: “It will all be new because the originals will all be too old. But we will be using Anthony as C3PO because there is such a thing as loyalty.”
McCallum was later seen at a local tavern, slouched over on his barstool, mumbling something about “…that shitbox Daniels…” and “…it wasn’t supposed to be a snuff film, but he kept the cameras rolling…”
The next morning, sporting an eyepatch and a gold paint stain on his lower back, McCallum said there would be “a whole bunch of new characters” and the series would be “much more dramatic and darker”. He may have said something about a Jar-Jar Binks - Jake Lloyd - Greedo love triangle, proving that Greedo doesn’t always shoot first.
Before work on the live-action TV series can begin, Lucas needs to work on his long-cherished project Red Tails, a drama about African-American pilots in the second world war. He has also just approved the script to Indiana Jones 4, which will see the return of Harrison Ford at the whip and Steven Spielberg in the director’s chair.
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