John Doro dot Com » WTF? http://www.johndoro.com Online & Offline Business Fri, 25 Mar 2011 04:46:39 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 http://www.johndoro.com http://johndoro.com/wp-content/plugins/maxblogpress-favicon/icons/favicon-81.ico John Doro dot Com Oooh! Look! A blatant attempt to trick me into pressing YES! http://www.johndoro.com/oooh-look-a-blatant-attempt-to-trick-me-into-pressing-yes.htm http://www.johndoro.com/oooh-look-a-blatant-attempt-to-trick-me-into-pressing-yes.htm#comments Sat, 22 Mar 2008 20:37:04 +0000 admin http://johndoro99.wordpress.com/2008/03/23/oooh-look-a-blatant-attempt-to-trick-me-into-pressing-yes/
WARNING!!!!
YOUR USERS MAY BE SUSCEPTIBLE TO ENORMOUS AMOUNTS OF STUPIDITY.
SHINY THINGS ATTRACT THEM.
LIKE SCREENSAVERS, SMILEYS, AND PRIZES GIVEN TO THE 1,000000th VISITOR OF A WEB SITE.
CLICK YES TO MAKE SURE THEY FALL FOR SPYWARE, ADWARE, MALWARE AND ANY OTHER ATTEMPT TO MAKE SURE YOUR DAY IS PRODUCTIVE.
[YES] [NO but really yes]
Okay, we’re all aware users are stupid. They fall for anything. Your average user knows this. they perpetuate it. They want our “cushy” jobs with all our “toys” and when we come to their desk to fix their machine they always have the same lame statement to say to us.
“Since you’re here, can you do my work for me, too.”
I’m very much sure I could. As it seems you do very little more than screw up your system, forward emails about how prayer and forwarding that very email will save baby seals from getting prostate cancer, and of course, surfing the web for pretty screensavers and wallpapers.
“Hey, do you like my screensaver?” she says, pointing to her desktop wallpaper. At this point it’s always one of those creepy Anne Geddes baby dressed up as Venetian Flytrap or rolled into the shape of a basketball or something.
“Sure, it doesn’t mildly horrify me in any way. By the way, you have ugly children. Did you marry a close relative?”
I guess that part after the “Sure,” was kind of an inner monologue.
The user in the next cube knows how to fix the problem. In fact, they just scurried back into their own cube from trying to repair this machine. And by repair I mean “significantly screw up the operating system so that even replacing the computer will not fix it, as I have cursed this area of ones and zeroes forever.”
This user usually has the attitude of “I like to surf the internet and chat on AIM to all my friends all the time so I’m good with computers and I’m good at that Microsoft Wordart. I should go to computer school like you!”
This guy is usually the one to insist on a trackball instead of a mouse.
People wonder why I drink.
Heavily.
The thing is, a lot of this job isn’t really that tough, and you don’t need to know everything. There’s a lot of knowledge bases, Google, and people you work with to help you out. There’s some advanced knid of stuff we all do, and we all have our own talents.
The biggest pain in this job is developing patience and ignoring the general stupidity.
One user, Harvard educated, mind you, insists his new port replicator for his laptop is bad because his two (USB) printers, his (USB) mouse and his (requires power to charge) battery was dying.
Care to guess what the solution is? You knew it all along. He kicked the power cord out.
Then there’ s the way upper management, not VP, more director level I.S. guy who complains of strange noises every morning when he logs in.
Strange noises. Log in.
IR communication notification from Windows that lets him know his PDA, a nice $500 Pocket PC he never uncradles, is within range. Solution? Electrical tape! Why not disable it? He’s smart enough to know how to look in Device Manager and re-enable it, but will complain again when the noises start. He’s not smart enough to notice the tape over the IR port on his laptop, because as his laptop is an extremely portable Thinkpad, he would never take it home.
But he needs the Thinpad because he’s more important than a desktop user.
Now we come to the close, because the machine I am replacing for a user with more spyware, adware and various other malware, is almost done imaging.
Thankfully, it’s almost Miller Time, as I need a High Life tonight.
]]> http://www.johndoro.com/oooh-look-a-blatant-attempt-to-trick-me-into-pressing-yes.htm/feed 1 Dear Fatty, http://www.johndoro.com/dear-fatty.htm http://www.johndoro.com/dear-fatty.htm#comments Sun, 09 Mar 2008 18:21:33 +0000 admin http://johndoro99.wordpress.com/?p=11

I found your burger. Love, John

]]> http://www.johndoro.com/dear-fatty.htm/feed 0 Oxymoronic Contradiction of terms. http://www.johndoro.com/oxymoronic-contradiction-of-terms.htm http://www.johndoro.com/oxymoronic-contradiction-of-terms.htm#comments Sun, 24 Feb 2008 02:40:57 +0000 admin http://johndoro99.wordpress.com/?p=19

Solar powered flashlight. Authentic reproduction. Bigger half. Civil war. Working vacation.

Oh, and then there is this.

]]> http://www.johndoro.com/oxymoronic-contradiction-of-terms.htm/feed 0 Joke for ya http://www.johndoro.com/joke-for-ya.htm http://www.johndoro.com/joke-for-ya.htm#comments Fri, 10 Aug 2007 23:10:42 +0000 admin http://johndoro99.wordpress.com/2005/08/11/joke-for-ya/

Since I havent posted anything in a while, I thought I’d share a joke I heard. Here ya go.

An Illinois family of football supporters head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up a Green Bay Packers jersey, #4. and says to his older sister, “I’ve decided to become a Packer fan and I would like this for Christmas”.
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks his head and says, “Go talk to mother”.
Off goes the little lad with the Green Bay Packer jersey in hand and finds his mother. “Mom?”
“Yes son?””I’ve decided I’m going to be a Packer fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas”.
The mother is outraged and promptly whacks his head and says, “Go talk to your father!”
Off he goes with the Green Bay Packer jersey in hand and finds his father.
“Dad?”
“Yes son?”
“I’ve decided I’m going to be a Packer fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas”.
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son’s head and says, “No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!”
About half an hour later they’re all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says “Son, I hope you’ve learned something today?”
The son says, “Yes, Dad, I have.”
“Good son, what is it?”
The son replies, “I’ve only been a Packer fan for an hour and I already hate you Chicago Bear bastards.”

]]> http://www.johndoro.com/joke-for-ya.htm/feed 0 Happy Friday! http://www.johndoro.com/happy-friday.htm http://www.johndoro.com/happy-friday.htm#comments Fri, 16 Feb 2007 15:47:36 +0000 admin http://johndoro99.wordpress.com/?p=104

Quick question…
What’s better? Friday at 5:00 p.m. (general assumption that you work until that time, and then are off for the weekend), or Friday at 5:05 p.m. when you have “a one that is cold” in your meaty paw?
Working at a brewery, I am exempt from this, as we have a bar on premise.

]]> http://www.johndoro.com/happy-friday.htm/feed 1 Why oh why? http://www.johndoro.com/why-oh-why.htm http://www.johndoro.com/why-oh-why.htm#comments Thu, 02 Nov 2006 10:52:59 +0000 admin http://johndoro99.wordpress.com/2006/11/02/why-oh-why/

Why do I like this?

I didn’t buy it, but I’ve been previewing the tracks.
It’s…. kinda…… getting….. to…… ME!

]]> http://www.johndoro.com/why-oh-why.htm/feed 0 Grilling the perfect steak (for the monosyllabic crowd) http://www.johndoro.com/grilling-the-perfect-steak-for-the-monosyllabic-crowd.htm http://www.johndoro.com/grilling-the-perfect-steak-for-the-monosyllabic-crowd.htm#comments Fri, 04 Aug 2006 18:02:43 +0000 admin http://johndoro99.wordpress.com/2006/08/05/grilling-the-perfect-steak-for-the-monosyllabic-crowd/

Buy steak.
Heat grill.
Steak, meet grill.
Wait.
Flip steak.
Wait.
Steak, meet plate.
Eat.

]]> http://www.johndoro.com/grilling-the-perfect-steak-for-the-monosyllabic-crowd.htm/feed 1 Tied up in red tape http://www.johndoro.com/tied-up-in-red-tape.htm http://www.johndoro.com/tied-up-in-red-tape.htm#comments Tue, 11 Jul 2006 11:50:46 +0000 admin http://johndoro99.wordpress.com/2006/07/11/tied-up-in-red-tape/

Okay.

Bureaucracy is my nemesis of the day.
I just spent two hours filling out forms to justify the purchase of a USB hub for one of my users.
Two hours.
For a $20 item.
Money well spent.
If corporate America were a theme park, this would be the ride you stood in line for two hours for, only to realize that the ride itself involved shuffling slowly through a maze full of constipated looking people for 63 seconds.
w00t!
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