Linux Sucks

I’ve had it with Linux. Why they think they can ever win over someone who just wants crap to work is beyond me.
My weekend:
KM - “Hello, I’m an operating system that’s open source and can do everything you want it to! I’ll even act like a PVR for you. My name is KnoppMyth! I’m Knoppix and MythTV all rolled into one!”
Me - “Cool, I will just install you on this computer here!”
KM - “Look at me! I boot right from the CD like Windows does! And I almost have a graphical user interface for installing me!”
Me - “Okay, whatever. This PC meets or exceeds all your specifications, so this better work.”
KM - “Hey, I detected all your hardware right at boot off the CD, aren’t I cool?”
Me - “Sure, ya, okay. It’s pretty standard hardware, P4 1.8, one gig of RAM, a CD Burner, an Nvidia GeForce video card, a Hauppauge TV Tuner, and an Intel based NIC. Can’t get more basic than that.”KM – “Hey! Look! I’m done installing! I’ll even eject the CD from the drive for you!”
Me – “Well, that’s one thing Windows never did for me. Ejecting. How novel.”
KM – “All you need to do is hit the Return key, and you’ll be enjoying your life ten times better and more ‘leet than ever before!”
Me – “Okay <enter>”
KM – <blinks cursor>
Me – “What the…”
KM – <blinks cursor>
Me – “Okay, I’ll screw around in the BIOS. Turn off ACPI, APM, change drives to compatibility mode”
KM – <blinks cursor>
Me – “Maybe that .iso I got was corrupted, I’ll grab another one.”
Me - <goes to perfectly functioning MS box to download and burn another image of the distro>
KM - KM - “Hello, I’m an operating system that’s open source and can do everything you want it to! I’ll even act like a PVR for you. My name is KnoppMyth! I’m Knoppix and MythTV all rolled into one!”
Me – “Skip it, I’ve heard it all before. Let’s just see if you can boot to LILO, GRUB, or any other bootloader.”
Me - <repeats process of installing OS, including that unnervingly strong warning about changing my timezone>
Me - <reboots>
KM – <blinks cursor>
Me – “Maybe I’ll do a manual install.”
<several attempts later>
KM – <blinks cursor>

Me – “Screw you! You know what’s nice about Linux? There’s always another Distro!”

Ub – “Hello, mon! I’m Ubuntu! I’m the friendliest distro in the world.”
Me – “Sure you are pal. Let’s see if you can boot.”
Ub – “I’m so friendly, even my website is full of smiling people! And they’re ethnic!”
Me – “Boot first, gloat later.”
Me - <does another distro install, even more graphical than the last>
Ub – “I don’t even care what timezone you’re in!”
Me – “You got that going for you.”
Ub – “Almost done. Choose a password, mon.”
<editor’s note, I know the distro is based on an African word, but I’m still giving this system a Jamaican feel because I don’t know what an African accent sounds like>
Me – “That one will do. Nice and complex.”
Ub – “Choose your video resolution, mon.”
Me – “These few are my personal favorites, as well as the VGA default just in case you freak out on me.”
Ub – “I would never do that to you! I’m the friendliest Distro in the…”
Me – “Save it, pal. Pop that CD out, and let’s boot.”
Ub – “GRUB, mon! Told you I would boot!”
Me – “Okay, you’re booting. Congratulations on the most important aspect of any OS getting done.”
Ub – “Look! I am up! Look at me! I am so pretty!”
Me – “Okay, settle down now. Let’s grab that installation package for MythTV.”
Ub – “I’m so cool I come with Firefox! The friendliest browser in the…”
Me – “Can it. Why can’t I hit google?”
<checks network settings. DNS properly populated. IP assigned from router is a valid address.>
<pings router, no response>
Me – “WTF?”
Ub – “…”