I like eating. I like cooking. We all know this.
Well, after years of believing that adding cheese and bacon to anything makes it like, infinity better, I have unfortunately come to discover that when one ages, things have a habit of catching up to you.
I had my annual physical recently. Annual really isn’t the right word, but there really isn’t a word for a slightly-less-than-a-decade physical. My cholesterol is high. I’m not too shocked at that, but apparently, it’s really high for someone my age.Now cheese and bacon, once my brothers in arms, are sadly not part of my life any more. Salad, once known as that thing I get if the soup sounds yucky, is now a viable entree item.
Low-Fat and Fat Free items are not things to be immediately dismissed, but are now the only option.
There are plenty of options for me, and my taste buds looked at the menu and threatened legal action. So I am here to say goodbye to some old friends.
I dislike fish, unless it’s fried or shellfish. Guess which of those I’m allowed.
Carbonara, the ultimate pasta. That of Fettucine, egg, heavy cream sauce, garlic, pancetta, bacon, and peppercorns… I bid you farewell, as I can only have the garlic.
Sausages, the lot of you. We won’t see each other often, not nearly as often as the past, but I will try to get a beer brat and jumbo dog in me every once in a while.
Breakfast, as I knew you, is not to be a regular again. Crisp bacon, with eggs fried in your fat, so long. Biscuits, with your sausage gravy and accompanied links, see ya. Corned beef hash, hash browns (smothered, covered, and scattered), American fries, bacon (!), and most of your breakfast meats… not for a while.
The barbeque section…. Don’t expect me to not eat BBQ. It’s against everything I stand for. Not eating BBQ is a crime against humanity! God Himself made it one of the 15 Commandments! (well, the BBQ part was on one of the slabs that fell and broke, giving us just 10 now) Brisket, I can eat. Chopped shoulder, not too often. Ribs, sparingly (I made a joke, ha! Me funny!). Hot links, not so much. Chicken is fine, as long as the skin (the delicious, savory skin) is removed. Same with turkey.
Caffeine, salt and alcohol are supposed to be limited. That’s like building a small campfire. Exactly what is the point in that? I’ll limit them, but don’t be expecting major strides. Hell, I’m going to invent a drink that has all three. Red Bull margaritas with a salted rim!
Too bad I hate Red Bull.
Strangely, beer, with it’s grains and B-Vitamins isn’t that bad for you. Too bad it’s hard for me not to have 30 in a sitting.
Well, that’s all for now, wish me luck… and pass the fat free Ranch dressing.

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