So… What’s in the news…?

Iran threatens U.S. with “harm and pain.” Okay, so a country loaded with the type of moonbats that go apeshit over freakin’ cartoons threaten us, why exactly is it that we havent mopped the floor with them? Why don’t we just treat them like they want to be treated and pummel them into the stone age? Hell, for some in that region, the stone age is an upgrade! I’ve really had it with the “fundamentalists” and their lack of apologists. Where is the Muslim outrage? Where is the accountability for crazy talk? We, as leaders of the free world (note the usage of the word “free”), cannot get away with even making a joke, or drawing a few pictures. They threaten “harm and pain,” and we have to stand aside, smile and nod, and treat them like the kid on the block that wears a helmet year round and be proud of him for competing in the Special Olympics.* Daddy on patrol “Study warns women about Spring Break.” This is front page worthy. 83 percent of college women and graduates surveyed by the AMA said spring break involves heavier-than-usual drinking, and 74 percent said the break results in increased sexual activity. That being said, this weekend has a 83 percent chance of a Saturday and a 74 percent chance of a Sunday. I’m going to be a parent soon, and my girls will eventually want to go on spring break. At some point, I won’t be able to follow them on the back of a jeep with a .50 cal with the safety off. You just have to hope that you raised your children well enough not to be complete idiots around their so called peers? And for the girls that go on these spring break trips, just know this: the sharks aren’t all in the ocean. The most dangerous kind wear t-shirts with catchy slogans and fraternity letters. If you find yourself in a situation where you can’t lie down on the floor without holding on, perhaps it’s time to call it a night. Trust yourself and be around those you can trust. And never agree to a tattoo at any point on one of these trips. Despite your love of fruity beverages, an Apple Pucker logo emblazoned on your boob is going to look a little funny when they hang down around your waist.

Back to world news. “North Korea launches two missiles near China border.” Let’s put this in a neighborhood perspective. Let’s say the people who live next to my house consist of a beautiful woman who has a propensity to sunbathe in their backyard in a very revealing swimsuit and her husband, a large, burly, dangerous man. Things not considered smart would be jumping up and down on the property line making wolf whistle noises, taking pictures and touching myself innappropriately. Actions like that might warrant an unwelcomed response. On a global scale, North Korea has a population of about 22 million. China? 1.3 billion. This furthers the notion that Kim Jong Il isn’t as smart as he thinks he is.

“Woman fined for putting on makeup while driving” At least it’s a start. What about the elderly? Buick drivers (really, no one under 70 buys a Buick)? How about everyone on my commute? Last week on my way home I saw someone literally smoking crack in the back seat of a car. No, they weren’t driving, but still. When can we as citizens start making arrests, or at least reports that someone will listen to? Perhaps a subset of the police and sheriff’s departments that deal with the dangerous, the elderly, and the asinine. The department could fund itself by issuing fines, and you could get ordinary citizens to volunteer for it on their commuting hours.

And the hero of the week goes to this guy. This guy’s neighbor was pissing him off. The neighbor is a yacht club. The parking lot of the yacht club is next to this guy’s house. There’s always used prophylactic’s littering this lot and there are plenty of other problems around the club and the adjoining park. He was sick of the litter and the activity So he took it upon himself to handle things:

“I wanted to do my part as a concerned law-abiding citizen by removing the beautiful blue rubbers from the parking lot, but I was unsure what to do with them because they represent a biohazard waste product that should be properly disposed of. “So to help you and your hazardous waste team out, I stuck each of them with a stick and planted them on Driftwood Drive in front of the welcome sign to the Yacht Club. There they hang tonight, flying in the breeze as a proud symbol of our freedom and the great traditions of Cape Coral. Much like our beloved flag.”

As having occasionally troublesome neighbors, I applaud this guy. Now, I’m sure he’s porbably a cranky old man who yells at people to get off his lawn, but you gotta admit, he’s got moxie.

And with that, the word moxie, that is, I’m outta here. Enjoy your week.

*You know, that’s really mean of me. Competitors in the Special Olympics have a lot more sense and intelligence than the moonbats from the middle east. I apologize profusely. I’d rather have a competitor in my car than a Islamic Fundamentalist Extremist. With the Special Olympics competitor, I might just have to clean up some drool and boogers in the backseat. With the moonbat, there might not be a car or neighborhood it was in to clean up.